I have a confession to make. I’m a people-pleaser. And guess what, so are you. Everyone is to some degree or another, But it is the degree to which we give into that impulse that we lose our lives and live by impulse and temptation.
Trying to please people may seem like a good thing on the surface, but if we take it too far, we lose our sense of selfhood and identity, our sense of being an individual created by God to be a distinctive person who can make decisions to not just be independent, but to be interdependent.
In the pursuit of people-pleasing, we do really self-destructive things. So her are the 7 reasons why really smart people on the route to trying to please everyone and make everyone happy, often self-destruct.
- Smart people self-destruct when they lack boundaries. Being a Christian isn’t just about a relationship, it is about a set of ethics; a set of standards revealed by God. We can call them the Ten Commandments, the Golden Rule; whatever God prohibits that become our boundaries. When you fail to have boundaries in your life, ethical standards, places you won’t go, and things you won’t do in the weakest moment of impulse and temptation, you self-destruct.
- Smart people self-destruct when they lack margin. Margin is like the white space in a book. You need financial, emotional, and spiritual margin so that when you get overstressed or overworked you don’t fall off the edge.
- Smart people self-destruct when they lack identity. As a Christian my identity is found in my relationship with God, not in my relationship to people, places, or things.
- Smart people self-destruct when they lack audacity. Audacity is the power to say “no” when everything else says, “yes,” and to say “yes” when everything else says, “no.”
- Smart people self-destruct when they lack an inner life. God created us separate from the animal world when he gave us the ability to think and have an inner dialogue; to be rooted in truth, beauty and honor rather than just responding to the emotional stimuli around us. An inner life allows me to say “no” when impulse says “do something” or “say something.”
- Smart people self-destruct when they lack a dissenting voice. This is not negative person or someone who just says “no,” but a person who takes our interest at heart and challenges us to think through our actions before we take them.
- Smart people self-destruct when they lose hope. When you lose hope, you lose humanity. When you lose humanity, you lose life. Without hope, we become nothing more than animals out to get “ours.” Hope is the ability to trust that God is doing the most loving thing in our lives no matter what the circumstances; that God can be trusted in the future to deliver on what He promised.
Though God never promised that we wouldn’t be lonely, He promised we would never be alone. Though He never promised we wouldn’t get hurt, He promised that He would get us home safely. He never promised that we would have all we wanted, but that we would have all we need. He never promised we would never lose, but that nothing of significance would ever be lost. He never promised us a life of ease, just a life worth the effort.
- 98 days to the new decade! #
- Hurry makes you stupid and robs you of the joy of being fully present. #
- No character; no joy! #
- If the work you are doing is not enriching your life; you can’t afford to keep doing it! #
- Practice W.W.O.N.D.A.: Win win or not deal; always! #
- RT @byronbledsoe: There are going to be so many… http://tinyurl.com/yd5wfka #
- When it comes to relationships; One size does not fit all #
- The best way to create your future is to be nice to the people you meet today! #
- I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
Ps 84:10 #
How many times have I heard people say that: “Why can’t I make you happy?” or “I can’t make you happy,” or “I can’t make anyone happy,” or “Everyone’s upset with me,” or “It seems like I can never figure out how to please the people in my life.”
This weekend @ The Gathering we’re going to be talking about people-pleasing and how that devastates our life.
One of the reasons why really smart people self-destruct is they lack boundaries, margin, and a sense of identity in their life. It’s “whoever you want me to be,” and “whatever you want me to do,” and with that mentality that’s driven by fear and self-doubt, we end up living someone else’s life.
You can even be a high-achiever and wake up one day and realize that the ladder you’re climbing is leaning against the wrong wall. And what happens is, we self-destruct.
So this weekend we’re going to be talking about how to avoid doing really dumb things that will end up destroying your life.
Maybe you know someone who is going through a time where they’ve lost something. Maybe they have a sense of dissatisfaction in their marriage, their job, or maybe it’s just them. This weekend will be a great time to bring them to The Gathering. Why? Because it’s a place where we specialize in God simple; not church complicated.
The Gathering is a place where messy people come together to celebrate life as it can be; not how it has been.
Isn’t it true that you need the love of other people when you deserve it the least? When we gather around the grace of God in Jesus Christ, really amazing things begin to happen. If you’re trying to go it alone, if you’re trying to figure out life without connecting to some other fellow travelers, you need to get up and come to one of our two services at 9:00 AM and 10:30 AM this weekend. It’s a place that you can make the connections you’ve been crying out for: not only a connection to God, but to other people, and a connection that’s most critical – to yourself, to your own sense of self-worth and significance in the world around you.
Gathering to worship God, whether it’s at The Gathering or someplace else is a privilege that’s been bought by the sacrifice of so many. Why not get out this weekend and celebrate this sacrifice. If you’ve been hurt by church, or life, or someone else, The Gathering is a safe place to come and begin the healing process.