The problem with having problems is failing to see the purpose.  If I’ve learned anything in my life with God, it’s that God does nothing without a reason.

I’ve discovered in all phases of my life – private, personal, professional – that God uses problems for at least these five reasons.

1. God uses problems to stop me. Oftentimes the problem is to stop me from going down the wrong road, to stop me from getting settled deeply into self-destructive behavior; behavior that not only hurts me and the people around me, but the God who created me and has redeemed me.
2. God uses problems to inspect me. By that I mean problems become like mirrors, often showing us how inadequate our training, or our strength might be.  It allows us to know where we are.
3. God uses problems to protect me. Oftentimes a closed door or the end of the road is more protection than correction.
4. God uses problems to perfect me. Let’s be honest, it’s the bumps in life that allow you to start climbing. Given our own devices, most of us seek comfort in taking the easy road.  Yet this is not what God has planned for any of us.  So problems are ways to make us uncomfortable; to get us out of the comfort zone into the crisis zone where the action is really happening.
5. God uses problems to promote me. In the movie, “Alice in Wonderland,” one of the key moments, White Queen says that in the moment of crisis a hero must step forth.  In that story it was Alice.  In your story, where is the crisis, the problem, the wrong that needs to be righted, the load that needs to be lifted, or the injustice that needs to be corrected for which you need to step forward and be the hero?  Without problems and the ability to win over them, there would be no higher level to which each of us desires to ascend.

Remember, the more you become, the more problems you will likely attract.  If you think for one minute you can avoid problems by successfully maneuvering the ones you have now, you are kidding yourself.  You, like everyone else on the planet are in one of three places: either going into a crisis, in a crisis, or coming out of one, all of which God has a purpose for if you’re willing to embrace it.

For those who think that the Scriptures are antiquated, out of touch, and too hard to understand, how about this one: “If you wait for perfect conditions, you’ll never get anything done.”  How much more practical can you get than that?

Today at The Gathering we talked about how to see and seize opportunities, understanding that all possibilities come cloaked as problems worth solving.  We talked about the ways in which you find opportunities using the story of David out of the Old Testament.  It’s amazing how these historical references and stories so accurately describe life in the real world.

For example, for there to be an opportunity there has to be crisis; a huge crisis.  David had his Goliath.  You might say there would’ve been no David without Goliath.  You could even say that Goliath was the best thing that ever happened to David.  I’ve heard successful people whose names you would know say, “That bankruptcy was the best thing that ever happened to me.”  “That firing was the best thing that ever happened to me.”  Why?  Because in the midst of a crisis is an opportunity to re-enter life at a different place.

The second part of opportunity is understanding your unique serving proposition.  In other words, how are you able to bring something different and unique to the table in the form of a solution?  We also talked about the importance of the third step.  And that is, being prepared.  When I was a kid, I was a Cub Scout.  Their motto is, “Be prepared.”

And that really brought me to the main point of our talk today and that is, trying is woefully overrated, and training is woefully under used. Trying is one thing, but training is altogether another thing.

Trying to be happily married is one thing.  Knowing how to be happily married is totally another. That’s the motivation behind our live event coming up April 30^th called “Making Marriage Fun Again.” It’s to provide concentrated, practical, real-world training to good people who are trying to grow amazing marriages

Without training things become hard and difficult.  Good people fail, not because they’re not motivated;they just simply don’t know how.  If you don’t know how to be married, all the good intentions in the world won’t make you happily married.

Much like anything else in our culture, we focus so much more on the hunt and the acquisition rather than the possession of a thing.  This is true in marriage.  The average marriage in America costs between $30,000 and $45,000.  I see it over and over again: renting tuxes, limo’s, cakes, flowers, receptions; all this focus and all this money on getting married and no money, focus, or training on how to be married.  And don’t forget.  You’ll be married a whole lot longer than it takes to get married, believe it or not.

Here is the point I tried to drive home today: the will to win at anything – marriage, life, relationships, or a career – must be preceded by the will to prepare to win.  So how are you training and preparing yourself for the challenges in your life? Maybe your marriage is close to ending.  Maybe you’ve even thought about divorce.  How about trying some training before you give up on the most important relationship in your life?  Maybe you’re ready to quit your job and walk away because the fruit just hasn’t been there.  You’ve been trying really hard, but how about training?  Are you getting smarter?  Are you looking at life any differently?  Are you engaging new technologies?

This could be your day of breakthrough.  But you’re going to have to stop trying, and start training.

One thing this global transformation we’re going through is teaching us is that we can live without a lot of things we thought were essential.  We can live without big houses and over-financed automobiles.  We can live without a new pair of shoes every other week, and weekend trips to exotic destinations.  We can live without spending $100 on an evening meal, and we can live without the extravagance of having other people do what we should be doing for ourselves.

But one of the things we can’t live without, absolutely can’t survive without, is the very thing we are going to be talking about this weekend at The Gathering.  It’s the one thing that if you have it, you can make a comeback.  Without it you languish in despair and hopelessness.

If you or someone you know feels like we live in a world where the job market is shrinking and your future is bleak, then you need to join us this weekend at The Gathering at 9:00 & 10:30.  You’ll learn the one thing you absolutely have to have to make a come back and live well. We’ll tell you how to find it and then what to do with it once you’ve found it. You’ll also learn that this one essential thing, this thing above all other things is actually free.

For those of you who have been asking, our Making Marriage Fun Again web sit is up and ready for those  who would like to register to be part of our live event on April 30th.

I also want to send a shout out to all my buddies across the Nashville area, part of The Gathering or not, we’d love to see you at our upcoming Gathering 4 Guys.  Go to TheGatheringNashville.com to sign up to be a part. It will be six weeks beginning on Tuesday morning April 6th, here in the Cool Springs area.

Marriage counseling in America sucks!  Yeah, I said it.  It sucks.  People are paying good money, lots of money over a long period of time, getting advice that leads them absolutely nowhere.  I am appalled at some of the advice people get when they go to marriage counseling.  I am not even going to list it because some of it is so vulgar and nonsensical.

It is so bad, that after being in the Nashville area for over twenty years, I am down to one person I can recommend with any sense of confidence and integrity. You know who he is?  I’ll tell you.  He is David George.

Paula and I have dealt with many couples and it seems we continue to deal with the same thing over and over again.  And people are absolutely shocked by the advice that we give.  But if followed, it’s amazing how it works.  That is the genesis of Making Marriage Fun Again.

We’ve simply decided that we’ve learned enough through our own mistakes and shortcomings, and the lives of others who have both failed and wonderfully succeeded (and there are many) at their marriages, to this offer Live Event.

One thing you won’t get from us is marriage advice that is over-spiritualized, Biblically inaccurate and brutal, and tries to convince you that BS smells sweet. We have found a way to get on the same page. And without getting on the same page, your marriage is doomed.  There are an amazing number of people who get married without getting on the same page.

So here is why I wrote this blog: to at least help those of you who need marriage counseling (and there are many of you).   It is very difficult.  And if you have found yourself frustrated, join the club.

Here is my advice to you.  Instead of going out and paying an exorbitant amount of money to sit month after month after month in a drab office, listening to people ask you about how you feel, why not do this?  Why not devise your own marriage-saving back up plan?  There are three parts.

1. Find some advocates (people who love you) and get around them.  They’ll support you emotionally.  Tell them as much of the truth as comfortable and let them understand and walk with you through this hard place.
2. Find some advisors. These are people who are ahead of you.  They are making marriage work.  It could even be your pastor, or a grandfather; someone you both respect and look up to, far enough removed from the event they can give you objective advice.
3. Find some arbitrators. You need to find a place where, if your marriage has deteriorated to the point that you can’t talk with each other without going into the emotional stratosphere, then you need arbitrators who can sit down and listen to both sides without emotion and help you come to some conclusion.

I am amazed at the number of people who get married and who are married without a back-up plan. They move to “conflict island”,  all alone, living with their pain and secrets.  And even when they try marriage counseling, it falls woefully short.

Hey, how about this?  How about going back to church?  How about finding yourself a good place that welcomes in the beat-up, the broken, the betrayed, and the bored; gives them a seat at the table, and walks with them to a place of healing?  There are far more out there than you’ve been led to believe

As we thought and prayed over three years about what we could do in response to what we’re seeing, we think this is the very best thing we can do.  And that is, to sit down and put together a program that will present information, entertainment, and inspiration all in one place.

Here’s what we’ve learned… (continued below)

As marriages go, so goes our society.  America’s ills are ills that begin in the home between husbands and wives, and the breakdown of their relationships.  We’re convinced that the best way to save our country is to save her marriages; to bring back the belief that a man and woman loving each other for a lifetime is the very best way to build wealth, stability, and raise children to adulthood who can take us into the future with confidence and goodness.

The question is, if your marriage is in trouble, where do you go? You can go to church and very seldom hear about marriage in American churches.  I know this because surveying the podcasts for years and it’s rare that there is a marriage series taught.  And even when it is, it’s so spiritual, it lacks any practical application.

You can go to marriage counseling, but our experience is, most all marriage counseling is next to worthless. Why?  Well, usually in marriage counseling the couple is not counseled together.  They are separated.  And even when they are, they deal with their problems in secret; no support, no help, no understanding of those around them who love them most.  In America you get married and move to “conflict island.”  You don’t let anyone know you have any problems until your marriage is over and you’re headed for divorce court.

Not only is marriage counseling in the main, not effective, it is incredibly expensive. And let’s be honest.  A lot of times counselors have a vested interest in keeping you coming back because this is how they make their living. That’s not to dump on all marriage counseling.  I know some who are very good.  But for most people, there just aren’t many places to go for help.  Thus, the birth of the Making Marriage Fun Again Live Event.

Paula and I truly believe that this is going to be a transformational night for a lot of people.  We’re working hard and we believe we have something really new, fresh, and exciting to present. We’ve really made sure that guys are going to love this night too.  We’re not going to break up into small groups and talk about our “feelings.”  We’re not going to guilt people – men or women.  This is going to be an inspirational night where you’re going to see practical training, and you’re going to have really good people grow great marriages over a lifetime.

Check out the web site makingmarriagefunagain.com. Share it with friends.  This could be an evening that could turn our life, your family, and your future around.  We truly believe this is going to be the best thing you have ever done for yourself.  We can help you save your marriage, but you have to meet us halfway.

]]> http://www.davidfoster.tv/announcing-a-live-event-here-in-nashville-friday-night-april-30th-financial-peace-convention-center/feed/ 0 http://www.davidfoster.tv/the-one-thing-most-christians-dont-have/ http://www.davidfoster.tv/the-one-thing-most-christians-dont-have/#comments Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:59:26 +0000 bmcgee_gathering http://www.davidfoster.tv/?p=1545

Before I talk about the content of the day, I want to just say something about the importance of gathering with good people.  I discovered today as much as anytime in my life doing what I do, that people have a deep effect on how you’re able to execute.

I’ve been trying to figure out why The Gathering Nashville has been such a joy to me.  Over the years, being a pastor hasn’t always been joyful or fun.  And I’ve discovered two reasons.  One is me; the other is them.

The “me” part I won’t bore you with, but the “them” part I think is important.  The Gathering has been able to attract really honest, open, loving, enthusiastic, encouraging people.  It’s these people who gather each weekend who inspire me to be at my absolute best.

When your job is to inspire other people, you fail to realize how much the people you try to inspire play a role in inspiring you back.  Here is my point.  If you’re not gathering each week consistently with people who lift you, love you, challenge you, and care for you, you’re gathering at the wrong place.

The day is long gone that Americans choose their churches on the brand label alone – Baptist, Presbyterian, Pentecostal, Nazarene.  We’re craving for gathering places where other honest, messy people gather around their common pain, but are kept together and moved forward by their common vision.

Our vision at The Gathering is to specialize in God simple, not church complicated. For us that means being honest about who we are as we gather.  We are indeed the beat up, the broken, the betrayed, and yes, even the bored.  We come together around a common belief that Jesus is our God and Savior; that He desires a relationship with us that will transform us from where we are to where we desperately want to be at the core of our being.

If you’re not gathering each week around people who will love you and lift you, who care for you, challenge you, and inspire you to be your absolute best, find another place to gather.  Don’t choose not to gather, which is what a lot of people do.

So today at The Gathering we talked about going the extra mile.  Here’s what we dealt with.  There’s no way I can translate in this blog post what happened in the morning talk itself.  So you need to go listen to it either here online, or subscribe to it through the podcast. But here is the main idea: life has a way of being hard on the lazy.  It rewards lavishly and generously the diligent: bottom line, period.

So many people who use Christian language are basically lazy people using God as a crutch and an excuse.  How many times have we heard people say, “I’m waiting to hear from God,” or “I haven’t seen the hand of God,” or something that keeps them immobile or inactive or even unemployed or unmarried because they are waiting for some big revelation that comes down from God?

Here’s all the revelation that you need.  God intended for you to work, get married, and make a difference; that you raise children, pay taxes, and engage life with all your heart, mind, and soul.  There.  That’s all the goad you need.

So if you’re a person who’s accepted mediocre, I challenge you to embrace life on the extra mile.

This means that more people than usual are under financial pressures. Those financial pressures also show up in relationship strains where marriages and families enter into conflicts that oftentimes cause them to drift apart.

One of the things I see more and more in the lives of people I’m trying to help, is people trying to fix their lives alone.  Husbands, wives,  yet while married are trying to fix their financial/relationship crises without the participation of their mate.  Children are trying to make it on their own without the support and advice of their parents. More and more people are opting to stay home on Sunday mornings rather than going and engaging in worship in a church community where love, grace, service and help are high-held values.

So here’s what I’m saying.  Everything is fixable. Yes, I said it.  Everything is fixable – even your financial crisis, your marriage crisis, your relationship with your children, this sense of panic and alone-ness that you feel.  It’s fixable.  But it is not fixable alone.  My question is this: when are we going to stop trying to do the very thing God tells us can’t be done? And that is to live alone, love alone, and succeed at life alone.

You’re going to need help and here’s the good news. There are tons of people out there who would love to help you. But you’re going to have to open yourself up and ask for the help.  You’re going to have to give  up your pride and suffer whatever humiliation you need to reach out and ask for help.  Husbands, help your wives.  Wives, help your husbands. Parents, help your children.  Children, help your parents. Churches, be less interested in building buildings and organizations and let’s start helping each other, walking with each other, meeting with each other, encouraging each other, advising each other.

I’m a firm believer that every one of us needs models, mentors, and motivators. Who are the models, mentors, and motivators in your life?  What are their names?  When do you meet with them?  How do they support you?

No, you can’t fix your life overnight.  You can’t even fix it over time, alone.  But with help and support.  The systems that God Himself has put into place to create a better world are all available.  All you have to do is reach out and ask for help, and you’ll get it.