The Sad State of Marriage Counseling in America

I’m getting ready to say something that no one wants to hear, particularly those who have gone to marriage counseling.  But I’m saying it based on my experience not only in sending people to marriage counseling, but doing my fair share and having to navigate my own marriage in which I myself have cause my wife no small amount of pain.

Marriage counseling in America sucks!  Yeah, I said it.  It sucks.  People are paying good money, lots of money over a long period of time, getting advice that leads them absolutely nowhere.  I am appalled at some of the advice people get when they go to marriage counseling.  I am not even going to list it because some of it is so vulgar and nonsensical.

It is so bad, that after being in the Nashville area for over twenty years, I am down to one person I can recommend with any sense of confidence and integrity. You know who he is?  I’ll tell you.  He is David George.

Paula and I have dealt with many couples and it seems we continue to deal with the same thing over and over again.  And people are absolutely shocked by the advice that we give.  But if followed, it’s amazing how it works.  That is the genesis of Making Marriage Fun Again.

We’ve simply decided that we’ve learned enough through our own mistakes and shortcomings, and the lives of others who have both failed and wonderfully succeeded (and there are many) at their marriages, to this offer Live Event.

One thing you won’t get from us is marriage advice that is over-spiritualized, Biblically inaccurate and brutal, and tries to convince you that BS smells sweet. We have found a way to get on the same page. And without getting on the same page, your marriage is doomed.  There are an amazing number of people who get married without getting on the same page.

So here is why I wrote this blog: to at least help those of you who need marriage counseling (and there are many of you).   It is very difficult.  And if you have found yourself frustrated, join the club.

Here is my advice to you.  Instead of going out and paying an exorbitant amount of money to sit month after month after month in a drab office, listening to people ask you about how you feel, why not do this?  Why not devise your own marriage-saving back up plan?  There are three parts.

  1. Find some advocates (people who love you) and get around them.  They’ll support you emotionally.  Tell them as much of the truth as comfortable and let them understand and walk with you through this hard place.
  2. Find some advisors. These are people who are ahead of you.  They are making marriage work.  It could even be your pastor, or a grandfather; someone you both respect and look up to, far enough removed from the event they can give you objective advice.
  3. Find some arbitrators. You need to find a place where, if your marriage has deteriorated to the point that you can’t talk with each other without going into the emotional stratosphere, then you need arbitrators who can sit down and listen to both sides without emotion and help you come to some conclusion.

I am amazed at the number of people who get married and who are married without a back-up plan. They move to “conflict island”,  all alone, living with their pain and secrets.  And even when they try marriage counseling, it falls woefully short.

Hey, how about this?  How about going back to church?  How about finding yourself a good place that welcomes in the beat-up, the broken, the betrayed, and the bored; gives them a seat at the table, and walks with them to a place of healing?  There are far more out there than you’ve been led to believe

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