What Women Want: The Missing Parts

Yesterday at The Gathering, I wasn’t able to finish my complete talk. I often get over-optimistic about what I can cover in a thirty-minute period. So I promised I would put up on my blog the five things that a woman truly wants.

1. A woman wants MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION. Meaningful conversation is the kind of conversation that goes beyond just the casual to-do list, reporting kind of conversations that we have: Did you get gas? Did you pay the electric bill? How much do we owe on the credit card? Meaningful conversation goes deeper, beneath the surface issues. The Scriptures tell us that our conversation should always be full of grace, seasoned with salt; which means that it has texture and content to it.


2. A woman wants EMPATHETIC LISTENING. The Scriptures tell us that we are to speak a little and to listen a lot. Is there any wonder why God gave us two ears and one mouth? Empathetic listening means that I am not just hearing what you say, but I am hearing either how it’s wounded you, or how it’s elevated you. I get into the moment, the emotion, the feeling of what you’re telling me. I’m with you.


3. A woman wants TRANSPARENT TRUTH. This simply means tell the truth. Don’t hide. Don’t hedge. If you say you’re going to be there at 10:00, be there at 10:00. If not, use your cell phone and tell them. Even the smallest, little lie can serve as a wedge in a relationship. If you lie once, maybe you’ll lie twice. You’re not hiding anything. You let your wife know what you are doing at all times. You should hold yourself accountable not just because you can, but because you want to.


4. A woman wants EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. Oftentimes I think, when Paula is sharing something she’s upset about, I almost always automatically go into my “fix it” mode. I want to fix it. I want to hear enough of what’s bothering her that I can move into action. Most times, all she wants is for me to hear it and feel the pain and the emotion in the moment. Truthfully that’s not unlike what I want as well. I want emotional support when I’m going through a down time. There is little to help me when someone says, “You shouldn’t feel that way” when I do. What I feel is what I feel and sometimes all I need is for someone to listen to how I feel, and that makes my feelings legitimate. What you think may not be legitimate, but how you feel is.


5. A woman wants RELATIONAL FIDELITY. A recent study from the National Marriage Project conducted by Rutgers University gave 10 reasons why men are reluctant to commit to marriage these days. Here are the top 2: One, they can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past. Two, they can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by co-habitation rather than by committing to marriage. So out of the blocks, we eliminate one of the most important aspects of a relationship between a man and a woman: MARRIED LOVE – the kind of fidelity that is promised and delivered within the covenant of marriage.

These are important issues, ones that should not be skirted or avoided.

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