{"id":855,"date":"2009-10-28T03:52:47","date_gmt":"2009-10-28T08:52:47","guid":{"rendered":"104459334"},"modified":"2009-10-27T09:54:07","modified_gmt":"2009-10-27T14:54:07","slug":"dave-rave-%e2%80%93-the-seven-best-things-we-say-we-never-mean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/dave-rave-%e2%80%93-the-seven-best-things-we-say-we-never-mean\/","title":{"rendered":"Dave Rave \u2013 The Seven Best Things We Say We Never Mean"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>\"daverave\"<\/p>\n

Have you ever said anything you regret out of pain or disappointment? Ever call someone a name you wish you could take back?\u00a0 Ever made statements that are totally out of character with who you are?\u00a0 Remember, words are important.<\/strong> They create worlds and they also destroy them.\u00a0 They galvanize people together, and polarize them to be totally apart.\u00a0 There are seven things I notice people saying too flippantly that can destroy a world, or at least harm and hurt. Here are the seven best things we say we never mean:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. We never mean it when we say, \u201cI\u2019m done.\u201d<\/strong> What we\u2019re saying is, \u201cI\u2019m done for this moment.\u00a0 I\u2019m frustrated.\u00a0 It\u2019s like standing too close to a door.\u00a0 You can\u2019t open it.\u00a0 You need to back away and get some emotional space to gather your thoughts and to reclaim your composure.\u00a0 But too often, \u201cI\u2019m done\u201d is interpreted as \u201cI quit.\u201d\u00a0 And if you do that very often, people will call your bluff.<\/li>\n
  2. We never mean it when we say, \u201cWhatever.\u201d <\/strong> Whatever is simply a sign of frustration; the communication isn\u2019t going the way you hoped it would; you don\u2019t know exactly how to respond to a line of thinking.\u00a0 It\u2019s the inability to have an interior thought process that allows you to deal with the complex issue at hand.\u00a0 \u201cWhatever\u201d is a statement of frustration but oftentimes people interpret it as a statement of arrogance and anger.<\/li>\n
  3. We never mean it when we say, \u201cI can\u2019t take this anymore.\u201d<\/strong> This is an example of self-talk.\u00a0 It\u2019s talking ourselves into having a cold or being sick or out of a relationship.\u00a0 You can take it.\u00a0 You can take a whole lot more than you think you can.\u00a0 It\u2019s not over until you quit, sit down, and die.<\/li>\n
  4. We never mean it when we say, \u201cYou get on my nerves.\u201d<\/strong> This is a verbal deflection technique. \u00a0Literally, no one can get on your nerves; stand on your nerves.\u00a0 What we\u2019re really saying is, \u201cThis conversation is irritating, this relationship is in misalignment.\u201d\u00a0 And what we need to do is talk, plainly, calmly, and deliberately about how we can fix the broken places.<\/li>\n
  5. We never mean it when we say, \u201cIt doesn\u2019t bother me.\u201d<\/strong> The person who says this to you is telling you it bothers them.\u00a0 You need to probe a little deeper.\u00a0 They are wounded and hurt.\u00a0 And what you do in this moment will determine whether or not the relationship will become healthy or even continue at all.<\/li>\n
  6. We never mean it when we say, \u201cI hate you.\u201d <\/strong>Literally what we\u2019re saying is the opposite.\u00a0 \u201cI love you, but I need to hear you say you love me back.”<\/li>\n
  7. We never mean it when we say, \u201cI don\u2019t care.\u201d<\/strong> If you didn\u2019t care, you wouldn\u2019t be in the relationship or having the conversation.\u00a0 Usually when people say they don\u2019t care, it\u2019s evidence that they don\u2019t feel heard or listened to.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    These are the seven things I hear people say and know they don\u2019t mean.\u00a0 I have even said some of them and I didn\u2019t mean them and was saying something else.\u00a0 Be careful what you say.<\/strong> Listen to understand, speak to gain agreement, and act to earn trust.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Have you ever said anything you regret out of pain or disappointment? Ever call someone a name you wish you could take back?\u00a0 Ever made statements that are totally out of character with who you are?\u00a0 Remember, words are important. They create worlds and they also destroy them.\u00a0 They galvanize people together, and polarize them … Continue reading “Dave Rave \u2013 The Seven Best Things We Say We Never Mean”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"series":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=855"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=855"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=855"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=855"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidfoster.tv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=855"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}