Month: January 2010

The Marriage Crisis in America

This post may be more of a rant than anything else.  But it’s something I’ve been brooding, thinking, praying, and researching over the last 3-plus years. And I just can’t be silent any longer.

There is a marriage crisis in America.  I know, you probably already know that, or suspect it, or assume it.  But it’s getting worse and someone’s going to have to do something about it.

I read a statistic the other day that for the first time in the history of our country, singles out-number the married.  That’s right.  We are now under fifty percent of our population that are married.  That doesn’t mean only fifty percent have ever been married.  Probably a huge number have been married, but have gotten a divorce.  And in America the greatest way to go broke is to get a divorce.  Statistics prove that the best way to build wealth is to get married and stay married to the same person over a working lifetime.  The statistics about how much better married people do than single people are undeniable.  But in light of the fact that getting married and staying married over a lifetime is the best guarantee of success; in light of that why are we still in such a marriage crisis?

The answers to that are obviously complex.  But here’s what I believe; after 37 years of marriage and 37 years of working with people who get married, divorced, and everything in between, here is my conclusion.  No one gets married to a boring person, not having fun.

That may not be much of a revelation to you, but I find that’s what most people end up with: married to an unhappy person, bored to tears, and wondering why in the world we made such a mistake.  So here is what I want to dedicate the rest of my life to: helping married people make marriage fun again.

Here is the truth.  People who are living at the highest levels of their lives are doing so because they are having fun. They are having fun because their whole heart is involved.  There is alignment, passion; there’s movement, intention and advancement in their career and in their relationships.  Marriage ought to be the very same thing.  Before you give in and throw your marriage in the scrap heap, you need to understand that there is always hope.  Every marriage is savable.  Yes, every marriage is savable, because marriage is about skill.  And everyone can learn the skills about how to be married.

That’s the other problem with marriage.  We focus so much on getting married, we almost lose sight of the fact that we’re going to be married a lot longer than it takes to get married.

So here is where Paula and I are.  We’re going to commit what we know and have experienced, what we’ve learned in the hard-knocks of life, what we’ve learned through training and research, and by counseling literally hundreds and hundreds of couples over these many years.  And we’re going to begin to lead a movement; a great American marriage movement, because a great marriage is within reach of every person who knows how to do the right thing.

There is a crisis of marriage in America.  We need men and women to get married, be married, and stay married, happily; not just make marriage work, or make marriage hard.  We’ve made it difficult, we’ve made it complex, and we’ve surrounded it with myths and taboos.  And what we have failed to realize is that a marriage that’s having no fun at all is doomed.  So we’re going to make marriage fun again.

Over the next several weeks and months and years, we’re going to be talking about the Seven Super Keys of an amazing marriage.  We’re going to be talking about the things we’ve learned, these themes, laws as it were, of how to be married and stay married over time that not only allow you to just not get divorced, to not just be happy, or not even make the marriage work.  We’re going to make it fun.

More than anything else, healthy, growing, vibrant marriages that produce super-confident and competent kids is the solution to what’s wrong with our country.  We need it more than we need new churches, we need it more than we need better government, and we need it more than we need bigger colleges.  We need great marriages. It is the core and the backbone of what our society is built on.  I hope you believe that and I hope you will join me in the weeks and months ahead as we begin to announce our plans to attack this issue.  Paula and I truly believe that we can help you save your marriage.

Dave Rave – Seven Resolutions for a New Decade

daveraveWelcome to the future!  It’s here, and it waits on no one.  I hope you’ve made plans to enter this decade differently, to use what you’ve learned, to be smarter, wiser, and more focused on what matters.

To help me focus into the New Year and decade, to help me target my energy (which is a limited resource), I’ve made these seven resolutions and I offer them to you.

  1. I resolve to talk less and listen more. Is it a coincidence God gave us two ears and one mouth?  We are told in the sacred Scriptures to be quick to listen and slow to speak.  Most of the things that have gotten me into trouble in my life have been speaking way too much, particularly when I should have been listening.
  2. I resolve to fear less and live more. I am going to cut out the phrase, “I’m afraid.”  I’m going to speak positive, faith-inspiring words in my life.  I’m not going to give into self-doubt and worry when I know I’m going to operate on the method of the philosophy that I’m going to go until I get a “no.”
  3. I resolve to consume less and create more. Created in the image of God who is the Creator, I am put on this planet to make something of the world as I find it.  And in doing so, I honor the God who created me and I advance the good.
  4. I resolve to complain less and thank more. Gratitude is the key to generosity, and generosity is the key to abundance.  I’m going to focus on the good things.  I will not become a cynic, and I will not take my blessings for granted.
  5. I resolve to worry less and wait more. By that I mean I am going to wait and see how things develop instead of jumping to conclusions and overreacting.  Your first response is almost always the wrong one because it’s laden with emotion.
  6. I resolve to tolerate less and ask for more. I’m going to tolerate less of life the way it is, rather than the way it ought to be.  I’m going to ask God for more faith, for more of the ability to take action, to take control of my life, to understand the things that I do that only I can control, and the things only God can control; and to celebrate and enjoy the difference.
  7. I resolve to expect less for me and expect more from me. I’m going to demand more of myself and less of others.  I understand it is the mature person who says and does the next right thing.  I’m going to be that person.

As we are now into new territory, I ask you to join me in leaving behind things that are over and done with: old hurts, betrayals, bitterness, regrets, old self-doubts; and to embrace the new world: a world of resolve, joy, generosity, and great adventure.

David’s Tweets for 2010-01-03

  • Here's what we're doing at the Gathering today http://ow.ly/Sf5k #
  • Jesus alone can save your soul and resurrect a stoney heart! #
  • Watch the live webcast from the Gathering Nashville NOW
    http://ow.ly/Sf61 #
  • The best predictor of how your life will turn out is not your talent, but your heart! #
  • Wow! What a great start to the new year! All the people! Wonder what to expect at next service? #
  • Watch the live webcast from the Gathering Nashville NOW
    http://ow.ly/Sf6G #
  • “Worse than a quitter is the man who is afraid to begin.” #
  • “The job of the artist is to chase away the ugly”
    (Bono) #

Today @ The Gathering: Inspire Greatness – Never Settle for Being Good When Greatness is Within Your Grasp

IG_IconAs we begin a brand new year and a new decade, what better time to talk about inspiration?  That’s what we all need, isn’t it, to make this year better than the year before.

If all we do is recycle old ideas and attitudes, and do the same old things we’ve always done, we’ll get the same results we’ve always gotten.  So as we begin this brand new decade, we’re going to be talking about the anatomy of greatness. To pursue it, to aspire, to dream, to do great things to honor God and help people is not only noble, but necessary.

As we began our new series today, we talked about the core issue of not only greatness, but all of life itself.  And that is the condition of our heart.  Jesus said to love God with all your heart, soul, and strength, was the greatest commandment.  The second was close, and that is to use the love you experience in that endeavor to love your neighbor.

We talked about, first of all, how God defines greatness:

  1. The genesis of greatness is honesty.  You can’t start building anything of substance with a spongy or rotten foundation.  Getting honest with God, ourselves, and others is the genesis.  It’s where greatness starts.
  2. The growth of greatness is humility; always humbling ourselves before God, understanding that we always are dependent upon His promises, power, and provision.
  3. The guts of greatness is hope. Hope is the thing that gives you courage, gets you up in the morning, and gets you going when the circumstances say otherwise.
  4. The glory of greatness is high aim. Jesus said he was going away to be with The Father and that we would do even greater things than he has done.  I am not sure I understand all that means; I do know it means far more than just settling for a mediocre life.

We talked about 4 reasons why your passion is indeed the ultimate power; the only power you really need.  With it you can gain everything else.  Without it, you’ll lose everything you’ve gained.

  1. Only passion frees the heart. The promise of the gospel is that we would have a new heart and a new spirit; that God would take away the stony heart and give us a heart of flesh, putting His spirit in us and giving us the motivation to do the right thing.
  2. Only passion fuels the mind. We are not feeling, acting, thinking individuals.  Nor are we acting, feeling, thinking individuals. We are created by God as thinking, acting, feeling image-bearers.  Our mind leads the way.  Our actions and our feelings are always brought into submission to truth.
  3. Only passion fires the soul. With the passion of God in our heart we will love what God loves.  And God loves people: fractured, broken, human people of ultimate worth to Him.
  4. Only passion pays the price. We’re told in Hebrews that Jesus endured the suffering of the cross for the joy that was to come.  And that is the redemption of those He loved.  We are also warned that when we are tempted to give up, we simply consider his sacrifice and not grow weary.

Here is the bottom line.  You can be the most enthusiastic, excited person at your work or in your family.  It doesn’t cost you an extra dime or a day in college.  It’s simply a decision. At the very core of my life is a heart fueled by the love and the passion of God for me and for the world in which I am living.