Month: January 2010

Tomorrow @ The Gathering: You Attract What You Are

IG_IconWe’re coming to the end of our current series, “Inspire Greatness.” I’ve been very gratified by the feedback.  It’s exciting to see people really get beyond the survival/victim mode to a place where they really believe that using their everyday lives and everyday efforts they can inspire other people to a higher place.

We’re really going to hit the sweet spot this weekend by talking about how we attract the right kind of people in our lives.

This is really important, particularly for those of you who are looking to get married.  What you are thinking is, you’re asking God to bring Mr. Right or Mrs. Perfect into your life; that somehow you will see this right person and the light will come on and you’ll know this is a potential marriage made in heaven.  If that’s what you believe you’re going to be waiting a long time.

Maybe you’re a person who is looking for a new job or career, and you’re searching out there and sending your resume to just the right place. Maybe you’re a person who works your day’s work and then goes home to an apartment somewhere, orders in pizza and sits on the couch and watches TV until you fall asleep, cursing the world simply because you don’t have any friends. Maybe you’ve been divorced more than once and you wonder why you can’t find a good person.

Maybe it’s wake-up time, time to realize you attract what you are.  Instead of trying to look in the right place for the right people or person to marry, or the right woman for you, you need to focus all of your attention on being the right kind of person. The right kind of person attracts the right kind of person.

You attract what you are. If you are a loser, look around you and see who you’ve attracted into your life.  If you are a chronic complainer, listen to the people’s conversation.  If you’re damaged and wounded, what do you do?  You attract people and then run them off with your weirdness.

If you’re sick and tired of shallow, short-term, meaningless relationships, and you’re ready to attract winners around you, then this weekend is for you.  I’ll teach you right out of the Scriptures the three important roles that you play as you seek to bring the right people around you.  And let’s be honest, without people, you’re going to fail.  It doesn’t matter how well-educated you are, connected, what your parents did, you are going to succeed in direct proportion to the kind of people you’re able to attract and be around you over time.

No one succeeds without great people on your side, loving you, being generous to you, and creating goodwill.  If you don’t know how to do it, this weekend is a great time for you to be at The Gathering @ 9:00 and 10:30.  You’ll be glad you did. We’ll teach you how to make the connections that could change your world forever.

Stop Sending Your Kids to Private Schools and Expensive Colleges

I was discussing with a bunch of men the other day that there are certain private schools in our city (Nashville) that cost over $20-25,000 for a year in their high school. They are definitely prestigious names; places where you’ll rub shoulders with the blue-bloods of our state. And if you can afford it, if for you $20-25,000 is pocket-change, then I say go for it. But here is what I’ve discovered; a dirty little secret that no one wants you to know: the education is simply not worth it.

Yeah, I said it. I’m bold enough to admit it, and I dare anyone to challenge it. It just simply isn’t worth it. I’ve seen too much evidence over the years. I’ve lived in Nashville over twenty years and dealt with those who have gone to public school, Christian school and private school.  And what I’ve found is that the education itself really doesn’t differentiate much. That’s why I’m a big advocate for public school education.

I’ve put my money where my mouth is on this one. All three of my daughters graduated from public school here in Nashville. They’ve all gone to state universities. And guess what, they’ve all got quality education by really good people.

Yeah, in public school there are a lot of buffoons, a lot of people who are burnt-out and don’t need to be there. But guess what, they are also in private school and you’re paying $15-20-25-30,000 for it! And here’s the problem: too many families are going into debt to send their kids to private schools and private Christian schools. What do you think you’re guaranteeing? Absolutely nothing.

Here is the point. Send your kids to a good public school and engage in their lives. Be their mentor, be their model, and be their motivator.  You cannot hire someone to educate your children for you. If you’re not a reader, you’re not a leader. If you’re not a teacher, you’re not an influencer. Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you automatically have influence and sway over your children. Sending them to a private school, letting them rub shoulders with others may in your mind give them a leg up. But my experience teaches me it does not.

I’ve seen way too many young kids who have $60-70,000 of college debt working for $1,000 a month with no prospect of anything better. I’ve seen graduates of Vanderbilt and elite schools of our town working in restaurants waiting on other people who are making more money, living more of life, more fulfilled, more impactful, and they went to a state school.

Wake up. This education is not worth it. It gives us the false sense that our children are getting a leg up on life when the truth is, it takes a mom and a dad together, loving each other, loving their kids, totally engaged, excited, prayerfully, carefully teaching, instructing, leading, challenging, and guiding your children for them to be a success. You can’t pay someone to do for you what has been given by God to you as a responsibility and the highest honor you’ll ever achieve.

Of all the things I have achieved in my life, the books I’ve written, the places I’ve spoken, the degrees I’ve earned, nothing is higher on the mountain of achievement for me than being able to woo, wow, and win the heart of a good woman and to have three amazing daughters who are now women themselves. Let’s stop asking other people to do for us what is not just our job, but our joy.

David’s Tweets for 2010-01-28

  • I will greet this day without assumptions and with full awareness of the needs around me. #
  • By God's grace I will not surrender my renegade joy for religious smugness! #
  • I asked God for the grace to raise 3 girls to be strong, smart, good, caring women; and He answered that prayer. Yea God! #
  • RT @human3rror: A Case for WordPress: The Government – http://bit.ly/bBg5iK #
  • Leaders are readers; stewards of the status quo are skimmers. #
  • To give up your creativity for the promise of security is the height of stupidy. #
  • A great family is built around a great marriage not cute kids. #
  • Asking for help is not weakness it is wisdom. #
  • Do not make your spouse defend themselves in front of your children. #

An Open Letter to All You Fathers Out There Raising Sons

Over the years of dealing with families, family issues, parenting, and the challenges that come with it, I’ve noticed a trend developing.It was true in my home, and it’s true in so many others.  Here it is: Fathers who are either passive, afraid, or just totally disengaged in the parenting process.

Now let me be honest.  I have three daughters.  And when they were infants I felt pretty useless.  But as they grew, particularly from girlhood to womanhood, I had a deep interest in the outcome.  I always had four goals that I wanted to see as my girls grew up to be young women.  I prayed constantly for these four realities to be displayed in their character.  Here they are:

  • That they would be smart so that they wouldn’t have to depend on boys to tell them how things work.
  • I wanted them to be strong so they wouldn’t give in to the pressure of some guy in the back of a car, or some lie or manipulation.
  • I wanted them to be good in that they lived their lives to honor God and seek truth.
  • And I wanted them to be caring; not cold, distant, arrogant, or aloof.

In my case, God has answered that prayer.  Erin, Lindsey, and Paige are smart, strong, good, and caring.  I wanted them to be marry-able; not just date-able.

So here’s my letter to fathers with boys.  I have never fathered a boy, though I’ve been a boy, and not been fathered.  Men, we’re raising  a generation of  boys who are not marry-able. Here’s what I mean.  They don’t know how to take responsibility.  They have  no clue what to do with their lives even though they have private school and college degrees.  They have loads of debt.  Many of them still live at home.  They are passive, display little initiative, and want to sit around and drink coffee and discuss the deeper things of life.

I’m calling out all you men out there raising boys.  Your sons need you; not just your money, not just your  presents, but your presence.  We are raising a generation of young boys who are experience-rich and relationship-poor.  By that I mean they’ve been given a ton of things: trips, privileges, advantages, experiences that maybe you didn’t have.  But what they don’t have is the engagement, influence, wisdom, and input of their dads.

Fathers, raise your boys to be men; not buffoons, not weak, feminine boys, but men – strong, virile, good, man-up men who know how to treat women with respect and honor; who know what it means to work hard and sacrifice; who are willing to work to go to school rather than financing it by Sallie Mae and paying for it with their future wives’ income.

I really am fed up with the boy-men that I see.  Where are the real man-up men? I’m not talking about mean and nasty.  You don’t even have to own a gun or play golf.  I’m talking about real, strong, good, virile men who know what it means to wow, woo, and win a woman’s heart.

Dave Rave – 7 Signs You’re Not Teachable

daveraveAll of us are on a roller-coaster ride of change.  The world is transitioning.  It’s not just a bad economy; it’s a new economy. It’s not just the loss of jobs; it’s the loss of sectors and segments of services and products.  How do we respond to this current chaos creatively?

One of the ways is to stay teachable. And yet the very challenge in times of crisis and change is to actually be open and learn something new, to re-enter your world at a new place, to recognize that there are still major opportunities, new products and services to be discovered and offered that no one dreamed of even five years ago.

Those who are going to be leading the way in the new wave of wealth-creation in the years ahead  will be those who are teachable.  The question is, are you?  Here are seven signs that you and your staff are not teachable.

  1. You don’t read, and you brag about it.
  2. You won’t listen to the insight of other significant people in your life.  You dismiss them as negative and disloyal.
  3. You reject change even when the signs point to the fact that you will die if you continue on this course of action.
  4. You turn preferences into principles.
  5. Your fear of failure overrides the need to change while you still can.
  6. You’re still nursing old slights and wrongs done to you by people both inside and outside of your movement, organization, and family.
  7. Your conversation is more about the past and the achievements and glory that you enjoyed rather than conversations of faith and vision about the hopes and dreams of the future and the things that can be accomplished.

You could probably add to this list.  But sit down with your wife , your family, or your staff and walk through these seven and ask yourself, “Do any of these apply to us?”  And if they do, “how can we change and become teachable in this brand new, wall-less, wireless world in which we live?”

David’s Tweets for 2010-01-25

  • There's no such thing as a "self-made man." Everyone who achieves anything worthwhile stands of others. #
  • A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices and superstitions. — Edward R. Murrow #
  • RT @tweetmeme When Do You Know It’s Time to Leave Your Church? http://retwt.me/1e6CC #
  • RT @ikereighard: The will of God will never take you where the Grace of Godwill not protect you! #
  • Goodness is not tied to greatness, but greatness is tied to goodness.
    Greek Proverb #
  • No one falls in love with a boring person not having fun. #
  • Only those dedicated to making other great, becomes great! #
  • When Do You Know It’s Time To Leave Your Church? http://ow.ly/10cC2 #
  • “Where your your treasure is, your heart is. Where your heart, is your happiness is. #

David’s Tweets for 2010-01-24

  • Here's what we're doing at the Gathering today http://ow.ly/ZTmj #
  • to risk nothing is to risk everything #
  • The man who does things makes many mistakes, but he never makes the biggest mistake of all — doing nothing (B Franklin) #
  • Watch the live webcast from the Gathering Nashville NOW
    http://ow.ly/ZTnm #
  • Watch the live webcast from the Gathering Nashville NOW
    http://ow.ly/ZTnN #
  • You live in risk daily, but you need never be at risk another moment. #
  • Getting older is a privilege; getting old is a choice #
  • Only those dedicated to making others great, becomes great! #

Today @ The Gathering – You Reap What You Risk: Giving What You Can’t Keep; Gaining What You Can’t Lose

IG_IconOne of the most important fears we all face is risk.  And yet to risk nothing is to risk losing everything.  This is a principle of life that can’t be ignored or denied; only understood, obeyed, and profited from.

As we think about risk and being born into the world of risk, we also need to understand that we weren’t born without advantages.  Two of God’s best gifts He’s given to us are climbing gear, and an ascending spirit, which means we’re always going want to climb the mountains we face.  We’ll always want to advance the good.  It is our nobler angels that need to be understood, and fed.  And here’s how we do it.  Here are the four realities of real life:

  1. Everything you enjoy comes from God.  Every good and perfect gift is from above, the Scriptures teach us.  Every day, every dollar, every moment, every relationship, every thing, every asset is a gift from God straight to you.  You didn’t get it by accident.  It was sent your way through the hands of a loving God.
  2. Everything you enjoy gives you choices and options.  That’s why debt is so pernicious; because it, little by little, destroys our future by leveraging the future in order to enjoy something in the present for which we have not risked or reaped the benefit.
  3. Everything you enjoy comes with consequences.  The Scriptures are clear.  To whom much is given, much will be demanded. And once you face the consequences you can’t simply pray them away or ask God to allow you to avoid them because oftentimes facing the consequences forces us to bring about the change that created the consequence in the first place.
  4. Everything you enjoy you are responsible to leverage.  That’s what you do with the resources you have.  You have so many: personal, financial, intellectual, and relational resources.  Are you leveraging them into a bigger, brighter future or are you letting them spoil on the vine because you are afraid to take the right risk?