Staring at Each Other, Hoping Things Will Get Better Only Makes Things Worse: Today @ The Gathering

Today @ The Gathering we continued our series “Accept No Mediocre Marriage: The Top Ten Things They Don’t Tell You Before You Say ‘I do.’”  We talked about the importance of having mission, vision, and goals in your marriage.

In a recent Tennessean article it was noted that in the last 10 years in Tennessee, marriages are down a full 10%. Why?  It’s not because people don’t want to get married; they are scared to get married.  And so they are living together outside the commitment of marriage, hoping that somehow this will be better than what they’ve seen modeled in the past.

I could say what you’d expect me to say, that it’s wrong, that God can’t bless it.  And that’s all true; that living together outside of marriage causes pain, that women usually are the biggest victims as they give over their lives without asking a man to pay the full price they are worth: and that is full, lifelong commitment.  But you’d be ready for that, so let me just say that getting married for marriage sake falls short of the intended goal.

So today we asked people to rate where their marriage is.  Are you stuck, stagnant, or disillusioned?  If you are, then you are basically normal.  But there is a fourth option.  Are you on the same page, advancing toward your goals? If that’s true, then that would put you in the top 3% of all married people.

The minute I say “goals,” people think about money. They think money is the issue in marriage. And the truth of the matter is, money can’t buy you a clear mission, a compelling vision, a noble cause, or a big, scary, audacious dream that’s going to take the rest of your life to achieve.

Today we defined what B.I.G. means: Beyond the Immediate to the Goal. So let me ask you, what is the goal, out in the future, that gets you up every morning and gets you excited, that calls out your absolute best, that means that you must stay together, stretching and growing; a big audacious dream that you both want more than anything else in the world that keeps you on your knees praying and seeking God, keeps you learning, focused, and humble, keeps you creatively agitated so you can meet the need, and simply just can’t go neglected?

And oh, by the way, people who have written out goals stay younger, longer. They take care of themselves because they realize that big goals are going to take the next 10, 20, 30, 50 years to achieve.

You can either be a statistic, or you can be married and on the same page, advancing toward your dreams, smiling all the way.  It’s your choice.

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