Category: The Dave Rave

In last week’s Dave Rave, if you haven’t read it, we talked about courageous dissent.  What is it?  It’s the courage to say “no” to the life other people want you to live.  It’s the courage to say “no,” to disagree that you’re mediocre, that you’re average, that you don’t matter, that what you do is of no consequence.  It’s the courage to say “yes” to the life of your dreams, and the lifestyle of your own choosing.  Last week we talked about the first five of these ten “musts.”  In the Dave Rave this week, we’ll talk about the second five.

6. You must be fully present. That means that you have to be here, in this moment.  Living in the now is smart.  Living only for the now is dumb.  It leads to nowhere.  You must be willing to fill your head-space in this moment with the things that you can do, the actions that you can take.  How many people do you know who are in a room physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually they are in some other place nursing a wound, mad, bitter? You know the story.  You must be fully present.  Think in the moment, act in the moment for the future.

7. You must find your voice. Yes, you have an opinion, believe it or not; a brain, a mind.  You’re a thinker, a doer. You’re filled with creativity.  But most of us are told to distrust that inner voice, that inner leading, that inner knowing that gives us the courage to find our voice, write our song, contribute our prose to the human story.  Find your voice.  Speak it.  Don’t be ashamed of it.  Bring it to the forefront.  It’s what makes you unique.

8. You must navigate change.  If there is one constant in life it is change.  Relationships change. Economies change. Countries change.  Vocations change.  Energy levels change. Everything changes.  How do you navigate change?  It’s this simple: you must identify the changeless core.  It’s not only the things you believe, but it’s also the things that you are willing to do on the basis of that belief.  For me, I’ve been a speaker and a writer since I was 18 years old.  How I’ve done it, the technologies around it, have radically changed.  But that core passion has not.  You need a changeless core around which everything else changes.  Remember, you need to know the things that are ever-changing as opposed to the things that are never changing.  Don’t fight for your preferences. Fight for your principles.  Don’t hold doggedly to plans that aren’t working.  Be willing to adjust your priorities in order to get to your goal.

9. You must run your own race. In the Scriptures we’re told to run our race, the race that is marked out for us.  Each one of our races is different. Why is this important?  Because comparison is lethal.  As you compare yourself to other people in life, you’ll be devastated.  How?  On the one hand you might be encouraged by those doing poorly, thinking you’re doing better, but you’re not.  And on the other hand you might be discouraged by those who seemingly are doing better than you, but have absolutely no correlation or relationship to how you should be doing.  Run your own race.  Do not compare yourself with anyone, ever.

10. You must guard your heart. In the sacred Scriptures we’re told, “Guard your heart, for out of it flows the wellspring of life.”  Desire, passion, motivation, inspiration: this is the high-octane fuel of the human soul and spirit.  It’s what you have inside.  It is what you have to offer.  People are craving, crying, hoping, longing for people of inspiration, encouragement; people who have solutions, options, and hope.  You need to be that person.

Take these ten musts of courageous dissent and begin to write your own story, draw your own map, and seize your own moment.  You can change the world. Say it to yourself.  “I can change the world.  I can make a difference.  My life is important.  I will not waste it.”

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, there is a conspiracy afoot; a plan, an effort to keep you mediocre, miserable, and unfulfilled.

It started when you were young and has persisted through all the major institutions in your life; a call to compliance, be in step, be like everyone else.  I’m calling for courageous dissent.  Not critical, sarcastic, drop-out rebellion, but courageous dissent that says, “I will live the life that I choose.  I will be fully who I am, do what I do, find my own way.”

To do that, you’re going to need courage.  Here are ten musts to the art of choosing your own life, pursuing your own dreams, and changing the world your way.

1. You must believe you matter. When did you stop believing you were Superman?  When did you stop dreaming and being creative?  When did you stop thinking about all the amazing things you would do and the amazing person you would become?  If you’re like 99% of the rest of the population, you now believe you’re ordinary and average, that your life is just a number, that you need to just behave, get in line, and not make waves.  You must believe you matter.  If you don’t, then you’re done and you’re just coasting until the day you die.
2. You must stop listening to your critics. You know who they are; the people who tell you what you can’t do.  Like my sixth-grade teacher who told me I would never be able to write because I couldn’t conjugate a verb; all the rejection letters I got for years and years from publishers who said I wasn’t good enough.  And yet this past weekend, I signed over 30 books that I’ve written that go out into the hearts and souls of people all over the country.  Don’t listen to your critics.
3. You must discover your passion. God was good to me very early and I discovered my passion while I was a teenager.  I’ve been pursuing it relentlessly in a constant stream and have been going toward the goal.  Maybe you’re in your thirties, forties, fifties, even sixties and you still haven’t taken the time to figure out the one or two things for which you have a sustainable passion.  Stop right now. Do it. Find out what it is.  It is there.  Maybe you’ve muted it, or ignored it.  But you’ve got to find it and then pursue it.
4. You must define success for you. What kind of lifestyle do you want to live?  What kind of house do you want to live in?  What kind of cars do you want to drive?  How important is money?  How important is freedom to travel?  All of these things make up your own courageous dissent.  You must define, at the end of the day, what is success for you.  What kind of legacy do you want to leave?  How do you want to be remembered?
5. You must develop your skills. You have them.  They’re there.  They’ve probably been ignored because you’ve taken aptitude tests and been told to do a certain thing.  You have to find those skills, hone them, invest in them, learn, and become better than anybody else at what you do.

You must have the courage to say “no” to those who want to live your life for you, and “yes” to the life for which you were created to pursue the renegade life: the life that is free, fun, and fulfilling.  It’s your right.  It’s your destiny.  And you’re going to have to seize the opportunity to do it.  In the next Dave Rave I’ll give you the other “five musts” in the art of courageous dissent.

I want to confess right out of the blocks that I don’t have a great perspective on the subject of this Dave Rave, in part, because I’ve always loved what I do.  I am one of the blessed ones who found, very early in life, his calling and has pursued it with singular focus.

I know that’s not always true and there are times when we wind up in work that not only is not fun, but not fulfilling. And rather than adding to our life, it detracts even more than we earn.

I read a startling statistic that said in the first six months of 2010 more people quit their jobs in America than lost their jobs. That tells me that there are a lot of unhappy people out there.  So here five signs it’s time for you to resign and move on to something bigger, better, and bolder.

Sign #1:  You dread Monday morning on Sunday afternoon. If on Sunday afternoon, as the weekend winds down, you’re dreading getting up and trudging off to the office in the morning, chronically over time – I’m not just talking about once or twice in a blue moon – but every week you begin to dread Monday morning, it’s a sure sign you need to find something else to do.

Sign #2: Your stress level goes up when you’re at work. I believe that some stress is good.  As a matter of fact, the only thing that’s stress-free is something that’s dead.  But I am talking about the kind of stress where you tense up in your shoulder, you grit your teeth, at the end of the day you are totally wiped out, and you have to come home and collapse in the easy chair.  It’s not the physical stress that’s draining your energy.  It’s the emotional and mental stress and strain of having to perform at something for which you have no passion.

Sign #3: You work around people for whom you have little respect. It’s one thing to get up and do your best at work you love.  That’s hard enough. But to do it around people for whom you have no respect, either professionally or personally, becomes too high a price.  If you work around people who are dishonest, lazy, who are demeaning, and non-learners, you need to get out sooner than later.

Sign #4: There is no foreseeable future in which the return on your personal investment is going to be worth it.  We all go through seasons in our lives and careers: seasons of ups and downs, seasons where things go well, and other seasons where we work harder than any other time and have little return.  If you’re in the kind of work in which you see no return or future turn-around, it’s time to get something with a bigger future.

Sign #5: You’re bored. If you don’t have to stretch and grow and learn in order to do a better job to increase your income and return on investment, it’s either time to work on you, or work on the work.  Because passionate, exciting, thrilling work ought to overwhelm you just enough to cause you to continue to be a learner, to continue to have curiosity and want to know.

Here are five simple signs you should resign.  I’m not saying if all five apply to you, you need to turn in your resignation tomorrow.  But I am saying these are early warning symptoms that you need to get on with your life.  As a renegade for God, my creed is: live free, have fun, and change the world while you’re doing it.  Live free – that’s one thing.  Have fun – that’s about work.  That’s about life and relationships.  That’s under your control and you can change it the minute you decide to.

Several years ago Mitch Albom, one of my favorite writers, came out with a book called “The Five People You’ll Meet in Heaven.”  It was wildly successful, so much so that it was turned into a movie.  Great work, great imagination, I loved it.

Since then I’ve also thought about the five people you meet, not in heaven, but on the way to heaven.

Being from the South, we have a way of hiding our true condition.  When we meet people we ask them, “How are you doing?”  And the polite response is, “I’m fine.  How are you?” Then you respond, “I’m doing fine as well.”  And then you go on.  This would be ok if it were true.  But let’s face it.  It’s not.

So here are the five people you meet every day. They are around you, they work with you, and for you.  They are in your family.  You’re even one of them.

1. First, there’s the broken. These are the people who have kind of a sad gaze because life has broken their spirit. Their dreams are broken.  Oftentimes their marriages are broken.  Relationships they thought would last a lifetime become broken. We often say someone is suffering from a broken heart.  These are the people who need other people to come up close to them and help them see the good that can come out of the pain.
2. The second kind of person you meet are the beat-up. These are the people who have been in the fight, but are just weary.  We can see how they truly were emotionally.  Many of them will have a cast on their arm, splints on their legs.  They’ll be using a walking cane or crutches.  They’ll have a patch over their eye.  They’ve been beat up by life.  They’re still swinging, but they are injured. And if they don’t find a way to get up again, they may just be a casualty.
3. The third kind of person are the bored. These are the people it’s hard to feel sorry for, or to conjure up any compassion.  These are the people who have reached their goals, you know them.  They are the people for whom life seems to come easy.  They’ve reached their dreams, they make a lot of money, live in big houses, have seemingly fine families and great lives. These are the people who have succeeded in every way in life except the way that truly matters.  They see their achievements as hollow, shallow, and non-fulfilling.  Their houses and cars are just things to be fed with more money.  They see their blessings as burdens and their privileges as complications.
4. The fourth kind of person you meet are the betrayed.  These are the people who no longer trust people.  They’ve been thrown under the bus by the very people who promised they  would have their back for the rest of their life.  They understand that people get betrayed.  They just never thought it would be them.
5. The fifth kind of person you meet on the way to heaven are the healers. These are the people who have been the broken, the bruised, the beat-up, the bored, and the betrayed.  They have found their healing in the sweet glow of God’s mercy.  They’ve understood who they are in Christ.  They know that they are loved as they are, not as they ought to be.  They’ve embraced their identity and the promises that come along with it.  They are sons and daughters of God who understand that nothing bad can happen to them that wasn’t intended for good by their Heavenly Father.  They affirm that no one can take from them or keep from them what God wants for them.  They are the healers.

The question is, which are you?

You’ve heard the old saying, haven’t you?  “How do you eat an elephant?….One bite at a time.”

Well, how do you get from where you are to where you want to be? Successful. Happy. Influential. Great relationships. Spiritually, emotionally, financially, and mentally at the top of your game.  You get that one day at a time.  Remember, there are no short-cuts to anyplace worth going.

So here are my five daily “I will’s” that have gotten me out of many places that have felt more like hell than heaven.

• I will be grateful. The first thought on my mind everyday is, “I’m here, I’m alive, I’m grateful.”  I’m grateful for every day filled with sunshine and air to breathe.  I’m grateful for food.  I’m grateful for friends.  I’m grateful for the way in which God has sustained my life.  I have so much to be grateful for.  And that’s the first choice of every day.  Will I be grateful for what I have?  Or will I be hateful over the things I don’t have, or have had and lost? I will be grateful.
• I will be focused. By focused, I mean focused on actions; not just a blur of activities thrown together.  That means I have to have goals and direction.  I have to have a B.S.A.D. – a big, scary, audacious dream.  I have to have something that’s going to take the rest of my life to achieve.  I’m focused on what I want, what I’m building, what I want to have and help other people get.   I want to focus on the legacy that I want to leave my family and the world.  I’m focused on what I want to make of myself every single day.  No goals; no focus.  No focus; no progress. No progress; no joy.  No joy; no life.
• I will create goodwill. Everywhere I go today I’m going to be running into people.  At the coffee shop, the gas station, the cleaners, at work, I come into contact with literally hundreds of people on a good day.  And with each one of these people I am either creating good or ill will.  So I will (on purpose) smile, engage, figure out how I can help the people around me win.  Even though our encounter may be brief,  I’m going to leave them with a smile and with a kind word.
• I will learn something today. Before you get richer and more powerful, before your life becomes the life of your dreams, not the one of your nightmares, you’re going to have to learn something.  And the way to learn is to be fully present, to be curious, and inquisitive.  Remember:  I live, I learn; I learn, I teach; I teach, I live forever.
• I will be hopeful. Where I am today is not where I am going to be tomorrow because I am going to do the things I’ve talked about in this Dave Rave.  My life is going to get better.  I haven’t seen my better days.  As a matter of fact, I try my best when people ask me these days, “How ya doin’?” to respond, “Never better.”

When someone asked President Jimmy Carter this question, “Go back over your life and tell me, what was your best day?” He thought a moment, looked at the interviewer with a smile and said, “Today.”  Yes, what a wonderful day today is.  You can go anywhere from here.  You can do anything from today.  Thank you, God for my today and all the other todays on their way.  I am going to greet them with joy, with hope, with energy, and enthusiasm.  I will be grateful and humble.  I will do everything I can to help as many people as possible live the life of their dream.  How about you?

One of the most limiting forces in our lives are our fears: some, justified; most, fabricated and simply figments of our imagination.

Just because fear limits our life doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have a legitimate place in our life.  I never bought into the t-shirt several years ago which read “No Fear.”  The truth of the matter is, fear can be your friend as much as it can be your foe.  It’s intelligent people in business and life who know the difference.  Here are five simple actions you can take today to defeat the kinds of fear that can diminish and ultimately destroy your life.

1. Do something you’re afraid to do in a small place.  Oftentimes failing in private or even in a small environment can give us the courage to do the things that will help us get better.   If you’re afraid to play tennis for example, get a tennis racket and start hitting some tennis balls against the wall.  If you’re afraid to start running, start walking in a place where no one can see and laugh at you.
2. Ask yourself this simple question, “What’s the worst thing that can happen to me if I don’t start today defeating this fear?” Maybe it’s that you’ll stay unemployed, or unmarried.  Maybe it’s that you’ll continue to be debilitated by your lack or loss of health. Define what that is and how big the price is you’re ultimately going to pay by not starting, and start.  At least do something.
3. Sit down with a trusted friend who can give you some perspective on your fear. Maybe the fear is unfounded and they can give you wise counsel.
4. Get online, read books, blogs, watch videos to help you study about this subject you are fearful of. If you’re afraid to get married because you’ve been married, then go to marriage classes, read a book on how to be married successfully.  Go to a marriage conference.
5. Do one thing today that moves you in the direction of the goal that fear is keeping you from. Instead of facing my fears, what I need to do is have a goal, a purpose, a direction, a dream (call it whatever you will) that I want so badly that the effort to focus on that goal moves me to and oftentimes through fears without even knowing it.  Focusing on the fear just makes it bigger.  It makes you feel as though you are unable to do anything about it.

Are your fears good things protecting you, helping you, keeping you in line?  Or are they bad things, diminishing and debilitating and keeping you from doing what you were put on this earth to do?  Only you can make that call.

It really is true that you are today where your choices have led you. You are the sum total of the choices you make.  The problem with that is, most choices are not big ones.  They are small ones made in the mundane and the routine.  They don’t seem to be very important, but they are.

The upside is that the same small choices made over time can make our tomorrows bigger, better,  and bolder than we ever imagined.  Here are five small today choices that can make your tomorrow.

1. Today I choose to be enthusiastic. Enthusiasm really is what separates people.  Yeah, you need the skill.  But I know people who don’t have developed skill or even latent talent whose enthusiasm has promoted them ahead of other people.  Enthusiasm is something you choose.  I will, today, be enthusiastic.  One of the best reasons is because I woke up alive.  I am not dead.  And the Scriptures tell me that a live dog is better than a dead lion.
2. Today I choose to be generous.  Jesus said, “Give and it shall be given unto you.”  It’s the law of reciprocity.  Some people (I don’t) call it karma.  Other people express it as “what goes around comes around.”  Today I choose to be generous; not only with my money, but with my praise, my compliments, my attention.  I choose to be generous in every relationship.  I choose to be generous today, knowing that it will pay dividends tomorrow.
3. Today I choose to be option-oriented. When people feel like they have no options they get depressed.  And when you get depressed, you lose energy, enthusiasm, and you don’t feel very generous.  I woke up today in a world full of options.  If I don’t like the work I do, I can begin today to make a change.  If I don’t like being a doctor, I have the option of becoming a fireman.  If I don’t like being a teacher, I have the option of becoming a CPA.  We live in an option-rich environment.  I always have options.
4. Today I choose to be fully-present. This is a biggie for me because in times past I have found myself going to meetings leaving.  So, here’s the deal.  Wherever you have to be, you might as well be fully present, in that moment with your head-space, your emotions, your attention.  If you have to be in a meeting, be fully in the meeting.  Get everything you can out of it.  Make notes, doodle until new ideas come.  If you have to have a lunch meeting with someone you don’t particularly like, go ahead, be there, engage.  You might actually be surprised.  It’s rude to let your mind wander, look at your Blackberry, check texts, emails, or twitter while you’re with other people.
5. Today I choose hope. Every single day I’ve gotten up I have had to choose hope.  Hope is something that is both there and not there.  It’s there because God is on the throne and has built hope into the fabric of the world.  Because I have hope I know that tomorrow will be better.  Because I have hope I know that my life is not over no matter how bad it looks today.  I’ve buried my entire family of origin: my brother, my father, and my mother.  I’ve done the funerals of children who have died through abuse, neglect, disease, suicide.  I’ve had my own dark days where I have been fired and publicly humiliated.  I’ve been sick and in the hospital, hopelessly in debt.  You’re getting depressed reading this, I don’t blame you.  But every single day I’ve chosen hope.  Now hope has brought me where I am today.  When people ask me, “How are you doing?”  I say, “Never better.”  And I can say that with all truth because hope always tells me that my best days are ahead.  And so are yours.

Have you ever met someone who just seems cold and distant?  They don’t know how to carry on a conversation and when they do, their responses are often biting and totally insensitive.

Right or wrong, we write people off as unkind, mean, or downright bad if they don’t have relationship skills.  Here are five signs you’re not relatable:

1. You’re not relatable if you don’t make eye-contact. Whether we’re in a hurry, insecure, or feel out of your element, oftentimes refusing to make eye-contact with another person says to them, “you’re not important and I don’t really want to be here, I can’t wait until we get away from each other.”  This feeling will destroy not only your career, but your family.
2. You’re not relatable if you don’t learn the fine art of listening. How many of us simply tolerate another’s conversation in order to speak our mind? If people are convinced you’re not listening, it’s one of the most disrespectful things you can do at home, in the marketplace, or on a sales call.  Be more interested in them than you are in your sales speech.
3. You’re not relatable if you can’t demonstrate a generous spirit. This is a tough one because this can’t be faked, at least not for long.  Generosity is something that comes from within you.  It was Jesus who said, “I’ve come to give you life and to give you life more abundantly.”  He talked about living waters that would flow from inside out.  People who are generous have experience grace and generosity themselves. And their humility and their great blessings flow over in signs of generosity.  If you are stingy, negative, and gossipy people will assume the worst about you.  Remember, when you cut other people down, the person you’re talking to will also assume you’ll do the same to you.
4. You’re not relatable if you’re not learning.  The point is, in every relationship there has to be conversation.  And that conversation has to be more than just the box scores of the latest baseball game.  Learning makes you interesting.  It makes you relatable.  It gives you insight into what other people are going through.  If you’re not reading, exploring, stretching, and growing, you’re not relatable because you’ll have no content to relate to.
5. You’re not relatable if you don’t like yourself. Yeah, believe it or not, if you don’t feel good about yourself, you feel insecure, empty, if you’re mad, bitter, and resentful, you’ll be like an emotional porcupine that people don’t want to be around or touch because the slightest thing can set you off.

If you take this little test and find that you’re not relatable, here is the good news: each one of these can be fixed.  And you can start fixing them today by being self-aware and asking those closest to you to read through these and tell you where you stand in each of these categories.

Recently a video has been playing in Times Square and on the Internet and probably many other places that depicts Google as a monster company out of control with malevolent intent.

The video was put together by a consumer watchdog group, funded by The Rose Foundation.

The question on everyone’s mind it seems, is why would these people go after Google? And when all was said and done the explanation was that Eric Schmidt at Google had personally injured someone at the Rose Foundation.

The particulars don’t matter but it does illustrate a point.  The famous saying from The Godfather, “It’s not personal, it’s only business,” has found its way not only into everyday jargon, but certainly into everyday behavior.

The truth of the matter is, all business is personal, or it should be.  Here are my five reasons why business is always personal.

1. Business is about character and integrity. If you don’t trust a company, if you don’t believe they have your best interests at heart, then you won’t do business with them no matter how good their product is, or how great the economic upside might be.  Business in the new world is about character, integrity, and trust.  Don’t forget that, and that makes it profoundly personal.
2. Business is personal in the new world because we want to do business with people we like and trust. Like-ability is a huge factor.  There are so many players in so many markets, we have many options with whom we do business.  So like-ability trumps availability every time.
3. Business is always personal because business is as much about the service as it is the product. Whether your organization provides a service or a product, people want to be treated well.  This is where you differentiate between the companies of the future and the companies of the past.  It is true, for now, AT&T can lock you into a two-year deal because they can, if you want an iPhone.  But in the very near future, that will not be true.  And you will do business on the basis of virtue, like-ability, and service.  And when you measure big companies by these criteria, some people are in big trouble already.
4. Business is always personal because business is about more than a one-time transaction. Again, if all you need is someone to buy your service or product one time, and you’ve got them over either a feature or price barrel, then you can do pretty much what you want.  But of you need people to be on your side over the longterm, it is about making these people feel that, not only are you going to be there, but you’re going to treat them fairly and you’re also going to keep up with trends and new developments.
5. Business is always personal because business is about helping people. That’s the bottom line.  As Rabbi Daniel Lapin has said in his book “Thou Shall Prosper,” “Business is being obsessively, compulsively preoccupied with the needs of others.”

Remember business is always personal.  It is never impersonal.  So by that criteria, where do you stand and what does your future look like?

I love writing, and I always have.  It’s a place where I feel most at peace and certainly most creative.

Creativity, I’ve learned, is not the right of a few. All of us are born with it.  The problem is, most of us don’t cultivate it.  As a matter of fact, most of us are discouraged from cultivating our creativity.  We’re led, almost from childhood, into safer endeavors.

And yet the creative act is one of the most challenging and most inspiring ways to live. For me, my creativity is either writing, recording audio or video, some type of content that others can consume on their own time.

Here are the five reasons why I love writing.  And if you don’t love writing, then you can plug in whatever creative activity you love doing most. Continue reading “Dave Rave – Five Reasons I Love to Write”

In a recent blog I talked about mistakes and the difference between mistakes of competency and mistakes of character.

One of the greatest problems with mistakes of character is that the pain and aggravation of them usually lies on the surface of emotion or gets deflected over to another person or group, and never really sinks deep into the soul where ultimate change can take place.

To push that idea a little further, here are five mistakes from which you cannot recover:

1. Adultery. Adultery is rampant in our culture. Ask people like Tiger Woods and the results displayed in his life.  Ask politicians.  Famous people just like ordinary people cannot escape the nuclear fallout that arises from adultery.  Adultery is the ultimate betrayal.  It bares naked the soul.  It is narcissistic, wounded, and can’t be trusted.  Adultery is expensive both in monetary terms and its relational fallout.  Avoid it like you would the plague.
2. Pride. Pride is that inner drive that causes us to act against our own self-interest, even when everyone else can see it.  Pride is lifting oneself up to a place which is not earned and cannot be sustained.  Pride is so painful because it makes the bearer blind and deaf.  It’s like walking toward a cliff.  Everyone can see you’re near the end but you.
3. Resentment. You might say, “Yeah, resentment can be recovered from.”  Yes, I would agree.  But too many times it’s not.  Resentment is bitterness that’s taken hold deep down in the soul and it poisons the well of everything you try to do.  It blocks the free flow of life because unforgiveness cuts you off, not only from God, but from everyone else.
4. Laziness. Laziness can’t be recovered from because it wastes away the capital of life.  It has no motivation or drive except that which comes from fear.  And when you’re driven by fear, you’re being manipulated.  Laziness discounts life as cheap, and people as something to be avoided.
5. Assumptions. Of all of these, assumptions are probably the most deadly.  Let’s say that you are a middle-aged man and you eat like you are a teenager.  You fail to exercise because you’re too busy and you don’t have time.  You wake up at 42 and have a massive heart attack.  Triple bypass surgery and a for sure shortened life is now yours because you, as so many others do, assumed that you’d live forever and that you wouldn’t have to take care of your body because you’ve always been able to abuse it.

Assumptions are also deadly in marriage: assuming she’ll always be home because she’s always been home, that she’ll take care of the kids, and that she’ll always think you are her hero.  It leads to neglect which a lot of people do after you get distanced.  Communication dries up and all of a sudden you wake up and you don’t care anymore.  Assumptions in business, in life, and in relationships are all deadly and you need to avoid them at all costs.

What’s the antidote to all five of these?  Gratitude, humility, and joy of work.  Gratitude, humility, and joy of work, that’s what I said.  those simple things can get you up every day, remind you that life is a gift, that while you are not everything, you are something, and while you can’t do everything, you can do your thing.

All of us want to grow.  We want to be part of a growing family and a growing organization.  But not all of us understand the tenants of healthy growth.  Here are five hallmarks of growth that create health. Continue reading “Dave Rave – Five Hallmarks of Healthy Growth”

One of the things that separates successful people from those who only strive for success is their ability to make good decisions, and then make those decisions work.

If you’ve ever thought about how to make a good decision, here are 5 questions that you can ask yourself on the way to a great decision:

1. Does this decision promote the good? Does it lead to good things?  Can you see the ways in which the ripple effect will bring about more good down the road?  Or is it just something you do for the moment?  A quick decision to relieve the pain?
2. Is this decision helpful? How many people would this help?  Would this help people have better marriages, get out of debt, get closer to God, get a job, find the right mate, get healed, get help, get justice?  If what you’re deciding to do can’t start with the infinitive “to help,” then you need to rethink it.  If it’s not helpful, and hopeful, you won’t have passion for it over the long-term.
3. Is this decision wise? Making sure this decision is a wise decision is the ability to make a long-term decision.  Is this sustainable?  Is it moral and ethical?   Is it the right place, the right time, the right people?  Does it feel like the wise thing to do?  Oftentimes the wise thing to do in the moment bears fruit further down the road. It’s like putting in upstream what you want to get downstream. And the temptation is to go for the quick dollar or the quick fix. Wisdom says, “wait, you reap what you sow.”
4. Is this decision transferable? Is it beyond just a time-sensitive issue?  Many decisions are.  But there are decisions that need to be able to transfer into many different settings: family, work, relational environments. Is it transferable in all of those environments and places?  Is it a decision based on transcendent truths?  Is it a timeless way of doing a timely thing?
5. Is this decision me? Does it fit you?  Does it help you shine?  Is it in keeping with your gifts, talents, and abilities?  And most of all, is it the core of your passion?  What you’re passionate about you will be able to sustain over time.  Often we make decisions based on the pressures of others rather than simply saying, “Is this me?  Does it fit me?  Do I have the skills, and if I don’t have the skills, do I have the desire to go get the skills it’s going to take to make this a great decision over time?”

Your life is made up of the choices that you make; the small decisions and the big ones that you make over time.  The ability to make them well means that your life will not only be bigger and richer, but it will expand its influence to those who need it most.

I’m loving my life these days, and I’m wondering if it’s not so much that my surroundings have changed (though they have radically), but I think it’s because I have changed.

I dare say it out loud, but maybe I’m growing.  Oh my gosh!  Dare I say it?  Maybe I’m not just stuck repeating the same old stupid things and saying the same old outlandish things.

With that in mind, here are the five things I’m ok with not knowing.

1. I’m ok with not knowing when the world will end. It seems we’re obsessed with the end of the world.  You see it in movies, books, blogs, and hyper-fundamentalist, Christian authorities who seem to get a special word from God.  I’m ok with the fact that no man knows the exact date or time.  I want to be too much occupied with living in the here and now.
2. I’m ok with not knowing why God allows good people to suffer. As we’ve gone through the flood here in Nashville, all of us ask the question why so many good people get flooded out, losing everything.  I know it doesn’t satisfy anyone with saying it was just their turn, or cute things like it rains on the just and the unjust. Oh! That’s not cute, that’s actually in the Bible somewhere, right? I just know that bad things happen to all people.  I’m not amazed that so many people are hurting.  I am actually overwhelmed that there are so many people walking in joy, freedom, passion, and great vision for the future.  That’s actually inspiring to me.  I’ll let God decide who gets what and when in His wisdom of grace and mercy.
3. I’m ok with not knowing what my future holds. Too many of us waste our daily headspace worrying about someplace we can never go, and that’s the future. But once you get into the future, you are now in the present.  I’ve committed myself to live for tomorrow, in the now, which means I have a mission, vision, and goals.  I know what I am going to be doing this week, next week, and about six months from now.  But beyond that, it’s in God’s hands.  And before you say it, I’ll say it, even these six months are in God’s hands so why worry about it?
4. I’m ok with not knowing how the people who have deeply hurt me are doing. How much time of our lives is wasted visiting emails or following Twitters of people who we feel hurt by?  bottom line is, it’s none of your business how they are doing.  Leave that to God.  Maybe the hurt they caused you actually was something God intended for good.  And if that’s true, you still won’t be able to figure that out.  Just simply accept it.
5. I’m ok with not knowing how I’ll die. Yes I am taking good care of myself.  I’m running, cycling, trying to eat better than I ever have; taking care of myself, mind, body, and spirit.  But at the end of the day, who knows what God has in store for me?  All I really know for sure is that when this life is over, I have a home in Heaven, guaranteed by the merit and the mercy of Jesus Christ.

I am a churchman.  By that I mean I don’t just attend a church, lead a church, I believe in the church; not as an organization or an institution, but more as a movement, a gathering of like-minded men and women looking not only for the answers to their life, but seeking to understand God and how His world works.

I believe in the American church.  I’ve seen her go through at least three significant movements in my lifetime.  And as I’ve studied them as a student, I’ve come face-to-face with the truth of the old adage, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

With that in mind, if you’re looking for a church, and you should be,  if you’re in a church that’s dead and stale and doesn’t believe anything, you should get out today, regardless of whose feelings it hurts.  So here are the five things I just simply couldn’t abide in the church I commit to:

1. I can’t commit to a program-driven church. I was raised in a denomination known for its programs. The mathematical equation was always in play.  If you want to have 10 people in Sunday School, have one teacher.  If you want to have 20, have 2.  If you want to have a hundred, have ten classes.  Maybe that worked, but it certainly doesn’t work today.  People are not looking for a program to be plugged into.
2. I can’t commit to a committee-centric church. There are churches in which the first thing they want to do is give you a job, put you on a committee. Someone said, “a camel is a horse put together by a committee.”  You get the point.  Committees, in my opinion, are worthless.  Yeah, I said it – worthless.
3. I can’t commit to a traditional church. I don’t mean that traditions are bad.  As a matter of fact, I believe that traditions are good things.  Traditionalism is being stuck in the past while living in the present.  We do the things we do because grandma or grandpa or our favorite pastor did or didn’t do them.  Life’s too short to waste it in a stuck church.
4. I can’t commit to a church that doesn’t have a high view of Scriptures and the proper view of Jesus. I can tolerate a lot of things; differences on whether we should drink or not drink alcoholic beverages, differences on whether we baptize by sprinkling or immersion, or whether to use real wine or grape juice, whether women can be pastors or not.  But what I can’t abide is an undercutting of the sacred Scriptures as the total, absolute foundation on which we base all of our teachings.  I also couldn’t compromise on the full deity of Jesus Christ; that He is indeed the way, the truth, and the life.
5. I can’t commit to a church that wears suits and takes itself too seriously. We’d all like to believe that our church is the best church in town, or at least an important church that the community couldn’t do with out.  We are very serious about our place in society.  I’ve just realized that the only unchangeable certainty is that God will accomplish His purposes.  I see them as three: redemption, reconciliation, and ultimate restoration.

So for me, I wear jeans to church.  I have for 20 years, not because I think it’s cool, just because it fits me.  There are other places where suits on people fit.  Those are the kinds of churches you might need to go to if jeans and t-shirts offend you.  But for me, bottom line, I think we need to gather in joy, not in a solemn recounting on the fall.

Here is a bonus point.  I couldn’t commit to a church where I didn’t hear constant laughter; not only in the hallways and the parking lots, but in the main room, the room we love to call “the sanctuary.”  God is a God of generosity, creativity, joy.  He is a happy God Who has planned a future beyond anything we can imagine.

Find yourself a great church you can commit to, and see the amazing things God will do.