A couple months ago, I lost a good friend to a heart attack. The interesting thing about it is, we all thought he was healthy as an ox. There were no signs or symptoms. He just went on a walk, sat down, and died. Since then I have found out that he, like many of my buddies, avoided going to the doctor for a yearly check up. They ignored their health because, as far as they could tell, they were ok.
I see this also happening in relationships, particularly in marriages. As Paula and I have been preparing for our first-ever live event called “Making Marriage Fun Again,” we’ve heard all kinds of excuses as to why people won’t pay the price to attend the event. The one that I hear most often is simply this: “Hey my marriage is ok. We don’t have any problems. We never argue. We’re fine.” When you dig a little deeper into that statement, what you also find is, “We never argue, we never talk, we don’t have sex, there is no intimacy, and we’re living in marriage detente on our way to marriage hell.”
Here’s my point. Just because you don’t have any problems doesn’t mean that your marriage may not be in big trouble. You know the quickest way to find out? Sit down without distraction and look at your spouse, and unpack your entire life together. “How are you doing, Sweetheart? Are we doing ok? Am I being a good lover? Am I loving you in a way that makes you feel respected, appreciated, and regarded?”
You get the point. If your marriage “seems to be ok,” why not come to “Making Marriage Fun Again,” or any marriage event? It doesn’t have to be ours. Get some tools, some information, and some teaching. One of the dumbest things we do is think that marriage just comes naturally, just comes easy. You find someone, marry them, and it all just kind of works itself out. It doesn’t. It ends up in marriage hell and often, too many times, in divorce.
The only way you know that your marriage is on the way to amazing, not to hell, is to sit down and strike a standard. At “Making Marriage Fun Again” we’re going to present the seven absolute must-haves of an amazing marriage. They must be there. They are not optional. And if you don’t know what they are and how they work together in order to grow a great marriage over time, then you are ignoring help that you desperately need.
Here is my conviction: most of the couples we have dealt with, whose marriages have ended (and there are too many to count), ended not because he was a bad man or she was a bad woman, it was because they didn’t get help while they still cared.
Your marriage needs help; so does mine. Get the help you need while you still care and your life and relationships in your family will go to levels you’ve only dreamed of.